When Strong Christians Fail, Who Should Get the Podium?

A few days ago, I suggested a prominent Christian to speak at FaithX. Soon after, he was embroiled in a scandal. I was shaken. But nothing rattled me like the late Ravi Zacharias scandal. My faith was revived by his teaching. I shared his videos widely. I even memorised the poems he recited. I was in denial. I read the investigation report word by word. Grief overwhelmed me.

Now that I have a platform, who shall get the podium? Who can I trust? How do I discern one’s spiritual life when I only see one’s public life? Is it right for me to give weight to hear-say about one’s conduct? What if a speaker I invite falls from grace?

The Formula is the Facade

God places a prohibitively high bar for spiritual leadership (Titus 1:5-9, 1 Tim. 3:1-7, 1 Peter 5:1-4). And God is so right and so wise to list these timeless qualifications. A disciplined church stays on the straight and narrow path. A disciplined outer life reflects a transformed inner life.

But wait a minute… It is precisely these established leaders that appear to have a disciplined outer life, and it is precisely some of these established leaders that give us the biggest heartbreaks. How can we discern based solely on the disciplines of an outer life? Sigh…

The Lies We Tell Ourselves

I believe that our spiritual leaders did cultivate a transformed inner life in Christ. I believe that they all began well. They rightly got the commendation of others to be promoted to their ranks of influence in public life.

The unfortunate reality is that on this side of eternity, we are only rewarded for our outer life. Our salaries, reputations, accolades and influence are dependent on what other people see. We easily measure our spirituality based on the rewards. We feel more spiritual if we have the right Christian mannerisms, the big platforms, the promotions, and the huge following. With all these rewards, we are more forgiving to ourselves when our inner life starts to hollow out. People would not realise our hollowing inner life because we only need to repeat our past religious patterns. The outer life grows bigger, the inner life hollows out.

We ourselves feed this deception. If I invite “nobodies” to be speakers, would people come? I have in mind to invite speakers with less colourful careers, and less dramatic stories, but whom I know to have a deeper spirituality. There will be less pomp, less excitement, less people. Am I content with that? My flesh says NO! God have mercy!

We are like an iceberg. 10% of our being is our outer life, while 90% is our inner life. If we build our outer life and hollow out our inner life, eventually we flip upside down! And the hollowed-out parts would be exposed for all to see. All the while, we merely regurgitate our religious patterns as a facade…

The Stained Glass Masquerade

I am a professional “churchian”. I know church etiquette, liturgies, hymns, church history… If I fall asleep during cell group, I even know the right thing to say the moment I am woken up to answer a question, even with little context. These are just religious patterns that let me avoid any transformation. Even if we talked about the need for transformation, I would just humble-brag about past victories over sin, and dodge the matter by talking about helping other people overcome their issues. Better still, talk about what other churches are doing wrong to rouse up the critics in my cell group. If I am pressed further, I would just recite a relevant verse to show my memory prowess, and that is usually religiously intimidating enough to the cell group facilitator to move on. It is so easy to avoid dealing with any present hollowing out.

Furthermore, if I am in a work or ministry capacity, I just need to lament about the challenges I face to suggest that God is teaching me something, thereby appearing sensitive to the Holy Spirit. In fact, the more I serve in ministry, the more my outer life grows, and the more I can avoid interrogation into my inner life. To feign my passion for God, I merely need to talk about some Christian material I read before the cell group. In Charismatic and Pentecostal circles, I just need to add words like “I sense God saying that…” or “I felt God’s Presence.” That way, no one can challenge my unfalsifiable experience. Bonus marks for flexing experience in mission trips or starting FaithX! It’s not hard to be a “churchian”.

I am the Fallen Leader I Grief

My digression serves to prove a point. I am not far off from hollowing out. Make me larger than life and grant me Christian veneration, and I can easily topple over. Thankfully my platform is not big, so the temptation to focus on preserving my outer life is smaller. But imagine the temptations that our spiritual leaders face.

The subtlest temptation is spiritual pride. We flip between 2 paradoxical versions of spiritual pride: arrogance and false modesty. Arrogance believes that we are better than other Christians because save or sanctify ourselves. False modesty is a self-deception that believes public approval of our piety is humility. With false modesty, we lubricate and placate our hollowing out. It is the highway to hell.

The Anticlimactic Answer

With all that said, how do I find the right speakers? I read extensively about the person and seek wise counsel. While I do my due diligence, I can only pray for God’s grace upon my speakers. (Seriously Sam… You made me read all the way here just for you to say that?!) Yea kinda. I showed you how I easily bluff my religiosity. I’m just trying to empathise with the people I look up to. Maybe I am being presumptuous. But my monologue here did humour you too yea?

But on a serious note, I think it is right for us to esteem our public Christian leaders. They risk a lot of scrutiny and flak. Their desire to be a witness to Jesus is beautiful. And it is understandable that we trust them, otherwise, we have to second guess every word they say. And it is also right for us to learn their spiritual principles, even if they fail to live by them.

If our public Christian leaders do fail, may we have the grace to appreciate that they tried hard to live for Jesus. May we have the grace to grieve for them in their downfall. May we have the grace to heal and restore them as fellow brothers and sisters. May we have the grace to pick up the gems from the rubble and give them credit for the good they did.

An Uncomfortable Remedy

My appeal to you is this: battle in your mind against disillusionment. We easily play up God’s wrath and judgement out of bitterness. But we need to taste once again the sweetness of God’s grace, as I tried to in the prayer I posted earlier.

I speak with regret over things I said about Christian leaders in the past. I wordsmithed my words to hurt deeply, and they probably still do. But I also see God’s grace toward me, turning me away from anger and toward charity. I am still a work in progress.

Many more leaders will falter and fail. Many more healings and restorations need to take place. Yet our God endures all of us over and over again, repeating the same heartbreaks from generation to generation. God is perfecting us. And we will be a spotless bride! Our collective blemishes are not final. Let us afford more grace for each other, just as Jesus has for us.

Heavenly Father,

You grieve more intensely than our hearts can contain. Yet Your love is so persevering, so gentle and so sweet. Even Your exposing is Your grace to draw us in.

Father, have mercy for his sake. Please let not the weight of shame crush his ability to look to You. You discipline because You love. And You can mend the broken pieces over and over again. This is not his end because You give grace to the humble. For his sake, please be tender and restore him.

Father, have mercy for his wife’s sake. The heartbreak of betrayal and lies and pretence are too much to bear. Embrace her and show her she is worthy of love. Hold her heart, and give her hope in Your redemptive power. Though she may feel alone, You are her faithful Lover.

Father, have mercy for his children’s sake. Their identities are shaken by their father’s mistakes. Be their fortress, their Father, their infallible Hero. Hold them secure in who they are in You. Heal their hearts and let them grow strong in faith.

Father, have mercy for Singapore’s sake. Make us righteous and live in fearful awe of You. Thank you for Your discipline, for holding our leaders accountable. Please secure us and our leaders in Your Way, so that we will live for Your purposes.

Have mercy on us, we pray.

Amen.